As I write these words, the letters blur before me, refusing to come into focus. It’s as if they’re playing a game of hide-and-seek, leaving me to rely on the familiar touch of the keyboard beneath my fingertips, hoping the “spell checker” might somehow fix the jumble of words I’ve typed. But perhaps I’m asking too much of a tool meant for typos, not for untangling the swirling thoughts that mirror the foggy maze within my head.
However, I continue with this endeavour simply titled “The Beginning.” For reasons I can’t quite grasp, the word “Beginning” seems to carry weight, as if it insists on being capitalized, urging me to pause and wonder: Are all beginnings grand, monumental events? Almost instantly, a quiet reflection surfaces: I don’t think so. More often, beginnings are quiet murmurs, easily drowned out by the noise of life.
“In principio erat Verbum… John, 1, 1”
The Nature of Beginnings
This thought leads me further into my own questions: are beginnings really as monumental as we make them out to be, or are they more subtle, almost invisible? That’s when I find myself thinking about existentialism – a philosophy that delves into the freedom and responsibility we have in shaping our lives. Thinkers like Jean-Paul Sartre suggest that beginnings aren’t just random moments; they are acts of profound choice, moments of authenticity.
It’s as if every beginning offers us a blank canvas, inviting us to paint our own meaning and purpose onto it. Perhaps, then, the true monumentality of a beginning doesn’t lie in its appearance but in the quiet gravity of the choices we make – each one a moment of authenticity, shaping the course of our lives.
Moments of Choice
Anyhow, despite the allure of this concept, I must confess that, in reality, new beginnings often resemble a foggy glass – obscuring our path as we strive to clarify our direction. It’s a feeling many of us know well – those moments when the horizon seems blurred, and we’re left wondering how to find our way through the haze.
I found myself in one of these uncertain moments years ago, over morning coffee with a friend. We were deliberating whether I should accept a new job offer or stay in my current position. At the time, my life was already in a turbulent phase, and I couldn’t tell if my impulse for change was driven by desperation or a genuine opportunity. That’s when my friend shared an insight that has lingered with me ever since: decisions are made in the blink of an eye, and what follows is merely justification or an exit strategy.
An Unexpected Pause
In moments like these, decisions can feel like the starting line of a race, each choice opening a new path filled with possibilities. Yet, the clarity of a straightforward decision often eludes us, clouded by doubt and fear. Every beginning is steeped in uncertainty, reminding us that it’s not just about choosing a direction; it’s about embracing the unknown and the courage it takes to leap into a new chapter.
It’s funny how those words my friend said resonated with me at that moment, aligning with a logic that seemed to ring true. Almost as if they were calling me to act. Yet now, bound to my bed, they spark even deeper contemplation: do beginnings often emerge from silent, unseen deliberations, quietly forged in the depths of our subconscious?
Days ago, I received a diagnosis of vestibular neuritis, a condition that has thrown me off balance both physically and metaphorically. Picture my inner compass taking an extended holiday, leaving me dizzy and disoriented, caught in a relentless spin that seems to stretch on endlessly. It’s curious how this diagnosis has sparked reflections on the nature of beginnings in my life.
A Ritual of Resilience
I’ve had plenty of time to sit with these thoughts – sometimes too much time, it seems. The doctors, refreshingly honest, told me they don’t quite know how one catches this condition, and to add to the mystery, there’s no magical cure either. So, here I am, stuck in a strange sort of limbo, waiting for my head to stop spinning – literally.
Naturally, this has thrown all my life’s plans into disarray. I’m currently on sick leave, with my career path on hold – not by choice. Ironically, I ended up taking that new job I was once so uncertain about, the one my friend and I mulled over during our coffee chats. And now, here I am, taking an unplanned break from it all. After two years of slowly settling into what I believed was a bold career move, I thought I had finally found my footing – only to have the ground shift beneath me in ways I never anticipated. Isn’t it strange how new beginnings can sometimes feel like unexpected endings?
In the midst of these days, my routine has undergone a subtle shift. Now, it revolves around a simple but steadfast commitment – a 4-step skincare regimen, performed diligently twice daily. This ritual, if I can call it that, has become the only physical task I’m currently capable of managing. Yet, truth be told, my skin has never looked better.
Writing Through the Fog
While family and friends drop by to ensure I’m fed, most of my days are spent in solitude and contemplation. If nothing else, this might mark the beginning of a new routine, a gentle reminder that even in stillness, there is room for something new. Each morning and evening, as I apply the soothing creams and products, I reflect on the shifts in my life – both those I’ve chosen and those that have been thrust upon me.
Despite the fog of confusion that lingers with this illness, my mind persists, albeit at a slower cadence, tirelessly sifting through thoughts. In this altered rhythm, I’ve found solace in yet another daily practice – pouring my reflections onto these pages. There’s a certain truth in the belief that writing can act as a balm for the mind, and I’ve come to appreciate this gift. For me, it feels like the starting of something new, fresh, and invigorating.
In Search of Simple Truths
In these moments of contemplation, I’m reminded of how easily we can feel dwarfed by life’s complexities when we think we’re towering giants, and conversely, how we can stand tall in our vulnerability. This delicate balance nudges me to recognise the hidden power nestled within life’s simplest moments, quietly waiting to be uncovered and cherished. It’s within these small acts of creation that I find clarity, prompting me to ponder: could this gentle unfolding be the first step toward a new dawn?
Perhaps it’s in these quiet, unnoticed spaces that life reveals its deepest truths. When we stop searching for grand gestures or monumental signs, we begin to see the beauty in the ordinary – the morning light streaming through the window, the soft hum of a daily routine, the slow but steady pace of recovery.
Life, in all its uncertainty, doesn’t always come with clear answers or a well-lit path. But maybe that’s the point.
Life, in all its uncertainty, doesn’t always come with clear answers or a well-lit path. But maybe that’s the point. Beginnings aren’t always meant to be understood in the moment; sometimes, they’re just small sparks – fragile and fleeting – but enough to guide us through the darkness.
As I write these words, I wonder: what stories do you carry in your heart? I invite you to share your thoughts in the comments below – let’s hope to create a gentle chorus of experiences that remind us how diverse and intriguing beginnings can be.
🤍
Love ❤️
Love it! ✨
I am proud so very, very much! ✨
Thank you my beautiful darling ❤️ Your sparkle always shines brighter ✨
Beautiful work! ♥️ I love the pictures, and the reading is so soothing. Truly a delightful experience!
So happy to hear your thoughts my dearest Sara! ❤️ It’s such a privilege to have you in my life ❤️
Bravo ❤️
Ljubav ❤️
I just finished reading this wonderful page(s), and I’m genuinely inspired. It’s not just a text about life; it’s a heartfelt journey through moments that resonate deeply. Dear Violeta, the way you are sharing your personal stories, combined with thoughtful reflections on balance, priorities, and what truly matters, makes this page(s) a treasure. It feels like a conversation with a wise and caring friend (even we did not speak for a years). Thank you for sharing this with me.
Dear Marija, your words have truly touched me – thank you for taking the time to share this with me. It means so much to know that my reflections resonate and feel like a conversation, even across years. That’s exactly what I hoped for – to create a space where thoughts and stories could connect us, like catching up with an old friend.
Thank you for reading and for your kind encouragement. It’s a gift to have someone who sees the heart behind the words. 💕
DIVNO♥️
Love you🥰
Thank you for following me on this journey my darling 💕
Hi Violeta,
I felt every part of your writing as if I was experiencing it myself. I also recognized it, and I understand it from deep within myself.
We are currently living in a time of transformation, of becoming, step by step. Becoming our true Self – something that is far more valuable than what the human mind can imagine.
We are invited to make choices. Choices that need to be made in ‘the dark’ because our logical mind isn’t able to grasp or understand what it hasn’t learned or encountered yet.
What does this mean? It’s the time of the Soul, our own inner being, our connection with our Source. It’s not something that’s written on a paper as a guide with steps we need to follow. It’s the subtle feelings deep inside of us. Those feelings that whisper something meaningful inside of us.
Only silence and soulful reflections bring somewhat more clarity. But as soon as we try to analyze it with our overthinking mind, it’s empty – nothing can be found there.
You can look at your physical condition from an analytical and human point of view and it will be declared as ‘illness’. I can tell you, this isn’t an ‘illness’ – this is an invitation.
I say this for two reasons: First, ‘Illness’ is a declaration of the analytical mind which isn’t able to see beyond the physical aspect of a situation. By declaring it as an ‘illness’, you tell your body that you are ‘ill’, and this will keep your thoughts in that mindset. Consequently, the body will follow your thoughts. It’s a self-declaration that keeps the phenomenon as it is.
You can also try to look beyond our classical thoughts (which are a conditioning installed in our minds by our cultural and educational systems). If you try to listen to the non-physical aspects of what is offered to you, you could also see it as an invitation to relax, to reflect, to meditate, and to come to a place of connecting with your inner being. It offers you the invitation for becoming you, but on a more integrated level: the physical (which is already there), and the non-physical part of you.
Do you know who you really are? I don’t mean the standard human attributes that an analytical mind can immediately write down. Maybe you are so much more on a deeper level. And that ‘much more’ is inviting you to let go the physical for a moment and to connect to your being, your Essence, the Core of who you are. You are not your body. But if not the body… what am I? Isn’t the body our tool to have experiences, to learn (not in the sense of a classic course), to evolve, and to become more of who we really are?
Maybe we never paid attention to that part of our being, and so it looks rather weird to think in that way. But it’s not weird. What’s truly weird is that we’ve locked ourselves up in the fake prison of a limited human life and forgotten everything about a Life that extends far beyond our imagination.
I know it’s easy to get lost in this kind of thoughts at the beginning. But if I tell you that you don’t have to do it alone, that you even don’t have to believe anyone with this crazy way of looking at Life. You only have to go into silence, there where the thoughts or the human mind become quiet, and then feel and ask at that part of your inner reality “show yourself to me, help me to understand and to prevent to get lost in a sea of wild imagination, help me to connect to the fullness of reality”.
I can assure you: you will understand and see the real reality beyond any doubt. It has nothing to do with superstition, religion, self-hypnosis, or anything of the sort.
I can assure you: you will find the real “you” and understand that that “illness” was only a means to invite you to slow down in such a way that the thinking mind would pause and allow the other things to come forward. It will become a deep-soul diving.
Suddenly, you will discover the deeper meanings of everything. Everything will become more colorful.
First, we we play in that playground with only human-made tools. Then we discover a more beautiful and bigger playground, which is so much more interesting and beautiful and creates so much more happiness and love. The old playground is not gone but becomes more smoothly integrated in the total package of joy and happiness. Nothing is lost, but everything will receive more value.
But as always: we have a free will and we can choose if we want to explore that second playground. Some people will be afraid of the unknown and refuse to take that risk. That’s ok. There is no judgment. There is only Love. The whole universe (visible and invisible) is filled with Love, but if we refuse to evolve or to accept invitations, we won’t understand life and all of its content and stay in that old playground.
We will only see struggles and pain, and not the true meaning of everything. But for this reason, the pain, the fear, and worry are our own choice.
As humans in a physical world, of course our mind is cluttered with fog. But maybe the clarity doesn’t come from the mind. Maybe it comes from the Soul. And if we don’t have a decent connection between our Soul and our mind, the clarity can’t be made visible on paper or by words.
Simply said: we are beings that live in a temporary body. Erroneously, we identify ourselves with our body which includes the analytical mind. By this we ignore our core Essence and its value on our journey through Life.
Every illness is an attempt/invitation to make us reflect on what is really going on.
We can’t discover the beauty of Life and all the joy and happiness it contains if we only live as humans. We need to come back to a real harmony between Body, mind, and Soul if we want a fulfilling and meaningful life while we live on earth, but also beyond that one as soon as the body stops.
Everyone will go through similar moments of invitations but in their own specific way because every human, every Soul, is unique.
Human life (including the thoughts) is limited to a certain surface area. Soul life explores the depths. We need both as long as we are in this physical body.
I hope you can understand my writing about this topic. Feel what it means to you. Nothing can stay hidden if we ask for it.
Note for clarity: ‘Life’, written with capital L means ‘God or the Universal Life Force’ or how you wish to call it. While ‘life’ means the life on earth in our physical form.
With Love,
Michel
Thank you Michel for taking time and sharing your own thoughts. I highly appreciate it! It is thought provoking and lovely 💡💕